Do y’all remember when this poster hit the mainstream? That everything we need to know about living life and what to do and how to be was taught to us in kindergarten? Some of us had what Oprah refers to as that “A-ha! moment”. It was simple and it made sense.
Speaking of simple pieces of advice that make sense, I share with you today two gems that I learned from two different gay men. It is necessary that I make the distinction that these two men are gay, only because I can’t think of many straight men that would offer up the following advice.
The first was with regards to fashion. You see, I have this awesome pair of knee high boots that I positively love to wear. Only, I am not sure what to wear them with, other than a skirt. When the skinny jean phenomenon presented itself , I considered the idea, but only for a nano second. I reminded myself that I am blessed with big, shapely calves and there would be no way I could stuff both my legs and a pair of jeans into these boots. (Besides the fact that I am not a skinny jeans kinda gal.)
So I asked my friend, J Noveau for his fashion advice. You know what he said? “Girl, it doesn’t matter what you wear as long as you own it,” as he offered up his best gay pose. (If you know J Noveau, you know the exact pose of which I speak — diva finger, hip slightly forward and to the right) He was larger than life! Confident! And his statement was spot on. “A-ha!” I thought.
The second and most helpful piece of advice came from my friend DZ. DZ and I don’t talk often but when we do, it always proves to be very poignant. This night would be no different. I found myself in a hot mess over, you guessed it, a boy, one weekend night. DZ brought over banana bread (like any good gay friend would) and the wherewithal to solve my latest crisis. Now I know, this is a silly analogy (or would this be a simile?), but this is my playground and it’s exactly how it felt so bear with me. It was as if all of my thoughts and emotions flew out of me like a deck of playing cards. Like the game 52 card pick up, they swirled around the room for a bit and finally came to a rest. Scattered haphazardly on the kitchen floor, he stood and watched as I aimlessly kicked them all about. He slowly bent down and picked up one single card, looked me in the eye and posed this question, “Does it really matter?”
“Ho-ly Shit.” He was so right! It really didn’t matter. And just like that, I felt better. Now I realize this moment is probably very anti-climatic for most, but it hit home with me. There once was a time when I was pretty good about keeping things in perspective. But lately my insecurities have gotten the best of me (hence the fashion advice above). It really is as simple as asking, “Does it really matter?” Things, don’t have to be so complicated. Anything really…boys, work, family, friends, life…whatever.
So I share these two morsels with you dear reader: If you find yourself over-complicating things, slow down, untangle the mess and simplify. And if you decide to don your skinny jeans, just own them and you’re sure to look fabulous!