“Hats” from the Lost Tracks Album

**I was doing some cleaning here at Monkey Hill and came across this post that, until now, was previously unreleased.  The draft date is June 2010.**

Geez.  Read this, would’ya?  Something of which I scrawled on a scrap piece of paper about a year or so ago.  If you recall, I decided at the beginning of the year to pull to the side of the road of life and take a deep breath.  While I don’t have much to physically show for it, this little snippet is one of many that proves my decision has had a huge impact.

Who decided that “figuring it all out” has to take a lifetime?  Why do we hear of people figuring “it” out later in life?  What’s wrong with making an effort to figure “it” out earlier in life, allowing for more time to enjoy being comfortable in the life we make?

Choose a purpose in life and live by it.  Let’s try on the college hat…take it off…put it on the shelf.  Let’s try on the career hat…take it off…put it on the shelf.  Let’s try on the marriage hat…take it off…put it on the shelf.  At the end of it all, you stand back and look at a bunch of hats!   What’s it all for?

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve had time to reflect on a few things and this reflection led me to that scrap piece of paper.  A few months ago, I wrote this in response:

I ought not be so hard on myself.  Who cares that my shelf contains a multitude of hats?  Ain’t that what life’s about?  Trying on all types of hats, hanging on to those that feel most comfortable.  To experience new things, learn new things, even suffer through things all for the sake of coming out on the other side with fresh perspectives by which to…dare I say, try on new hats!  Hopefully there will come a day when I can look at my shelf of hats and be proud for having the balls to wear them in the first place.  Because let’s face it, some people just don’t look that good in a hat.

I realized I was being too hard on myself when it comes to “hats”.  But then it hit me:  It’s the hats, or rather, life experiences that make up who we are as people.  “Life is what happens while your busy making other plans.” That’s a John Lennon quote according to Google.  While I think that is true, I am going to wear this particular hat for a while:  “Enjoy today because you might get hit by a bus tomorrow.”  And you can quote me on that.

A Soliloquy

I’m gonna give this whole blogging thing a whirl…again.  Only this time, I have a few disclaimers and confessions.  Back then, I only wrote on two different occasions:  When I felt like someone was looking over my shoulder (Who’s gonna read it?  What will they think?  Are they checking my grammar?) and when I was tipsey.  My favorite posts were those I wrote while intoxicated, I believe, because I was writing without reservations.   It’s easy to say how you feel when you have Tom Collins by your side.

I once had three followers.  If any of you are reading this, I’ve got a favor to ask:  please don’t post comments.  I know that you care, but this go ’round I’m going to make an effort to not hold anything back, and your comments won’t help.  It will remind me that someone that I will soon see again, in person, is paying attention and I am afraid I’ll start editing my thoughts.   The feeling of being on a stage, blinded by a spotlight so as not to be able to see into the crowd will help keep me honest.

So in keeping with the goal of layin’ it all out there, I’m fighting off a bout of depression.   In addition to feeling it in my gut, I just came dangerously close to paying a stranger halfway around the world almost $175 only to get the ‘permission’ to write how I feel, a password to enter some private chat room and the privilege to post pictures to a Flickr account.  What the fuck? you ask.  I know, I know.  So I gotta do something, other than drink, or spend $175 on ocean front property in Oklahoma, to self medicate.  I am thirsty for something to get excited about and I use to get excited about this little ‘ol blog called Monkey Hill.

So to the three original followers, please keep you seat, fight the urge to say something and enjoy the show.